OPEN UP MY HEART

What's going on? This is going to be different from what you are used to from me, but if you really knew me away from crackspace you would know I loves me some Jesus...I curse and talk nasty, but Jesus already knows that about me also, so I don't try and hide it from you or him...I'm not saying that is cute behavior either, but it is what it is..I have been cursing more in the last few months than normal and I am working on that...But, I chose Yolanda Adam's "Open My Heart", as my song because I want to have a serious chat with you guys...

I will let you in on alittle something about me, I am down in the valley right now...I have been going thru some things lately and have read and seen some things on other people's blogs and thought this was a good opportunity to get some things off our chests. This will not be a Sunday go to meeting type of blog either, but my faith will show up.. Sometimes, in this life you will not have all the answers, hell you might not have any of the answers about anything...You might feel that no one feels you or gets what you are trying to say...It's like you are screaming and everybody is going on with their conversations and lives and don't see you standing in the street butt ass naked!!!!!!!!! Not a good place to be, EVER..But, we all have been there or as my Grandmama told me, "Keep Living", you will get there..I know I have told you guys about how spoiled I was growing up. Well, when I first discovered the world didn't revolve around me I was 22 years old. Aint that something, to have lived a sheltered life that long and still thinking shit happened because I needed it or wanted it, is really kinda pathetic when you think about it...But, such is life in my world.

Well, I am having a 22 year old moment right now. I had that moment in March 2006, and I am there again. Yolanda's singing helps soothes what ails me, when she is talking to me and not judging but trying to transition me to another level or perspective...See, that's what is paramount in this life, you have to talk things out with someone. We tend to bottle things up inside and not deal with them, NAW PIMPIN...That is really not healthy, and it is not proving anything to anybody...You can fool everybody on this earth, but there is ONE person you should never try to fool, and that is YOU!!! See people are kinda simple sometimes and take everything at face value so you can get away with a phasade with most. You can tell them you have this or that, send your representative out when you interact with them. Hell you might even live in that big ass house that you brag about...But, what is not being said is that you dont have much food in the frig to feed the little ones. You make arrangements on your utilities, or car payment. Go to church or visit with family or friends who you know is serving dinner on Sundays. If you cant get a good meal the rest of the week, you know somebody will feed you on Sunday. And, you dont have to let on that you are just over there because you are starving...Now, don't be thinking I dont have any food, cuz I just left WalMart Super Store and Kroger's to get my weekly groceries. I am cooking dinner for my kids tomorrow, and I appreciate your concern and if it would make you feel better; I will send you my information for your DONATION!!!.

BUT, a few times when my kids were small and I had to purchase school clothes and supplies, or Christmas, I have called my Aunt Joyce, who lives in Houston now, and say "we dont have any food, what are you cooking?" I would not only get a throw down meal cooked with much love, but my Uncle Walter would fill up my car and buy pampers for the baby if that's what I needed...See, thats what I'm talking about...Didn't have to say that was what I needed, they are just those kinda people...So, I try to take my example from them, and if I see a need and I have a resource to do something about it, I'M THERE...Cuz, I know I have been blessed, OVER AND OVER AGAIN...And, when you have been blessed, you NEED TO BE A BLESSING!!! And, blessing people doesn't always come with money or things, it might be a shoulder to lean on or a kind word, written or spoken...Sometimes, when you are not used to that or you know you are the type of person who doesnt really give anything to anybody...You tend to not trust someone who is like that, you think they must really want something from me...Not, necessarily, it just might be how they are...

I am going through this right now, I guess when you are "once bitten, you will be twice shy"...But, you have to get to a point in your development that you have to take things just as it is presented...Everybody is not out to get you, PIMPIN...Everybody doesn't have a hidden agenda, don't treat me bad because someone else showed their true colors and you saw the party was not like the picnic...That has nothing to do with me, not better, just DIFFERENT...Everybody has a past, and maybe that person was used to people letting them down and not making good on promises.

But, like my Bishop says, you cannot have a TESTIMONY WITHOUT FIRST HAVING A TEST!!! You have to go through the VALLEY to get to the MOUNTAIN TOP...Keep the faith in yourself, you are someone of VALUE...Don't ever let someone tell you that you are someone that you are NOT...Because you are what you think you are, "I give myself permission to be WONDERFUL, HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS ". And, if anyone has a problem with that, so be it...This is my little red wagon, let me pull it...So, whatever you need to do and whatever steps you need to take to become the person you were meant to be...You need to be about that business, its not going to easy, but it can be done...

You have to put yourself around positive people,someone that is going somewhere...I dont sit around with people talking the MAN, is keeping me from becoming this or that...Keep it Moving, Playa, Diva has left the building...The man might have stopped this, but go another route, he might not have locked that door yet...You have to first believe in you, and your abilities...Do a self assessment and find your nitch and strengths...You just might be surprised, call or go see that one person who was always optimistic and have a meeting of the minds...Be honest with that person, because I know with me, if someone ask for my help and give me half the story, I shut down...If we are talking and you need my help, I need to know what I am dealing with in order to be affective...The one thing you think is unimportant, might be the very thing I need to know to help YOUR SIMPLE SELF!!!!

"When you are DOWN TO NOTHING, God is most definitely, UP TO SOMETHING". And, after you have exhausted all you obtions, have a little talk with Jesus...He is your BESTEST FRIEND...If you dont know how to pray that is fine too, sometimes when we are down in the valley, the only thing we can get thru the tears is, JESUS!!!!! He already knows the problem, he made you silly...He was just waiting on you to seek his face, waiting on you to talk to him...So, like Yolanda says, "OPEN YOUR HEART".